If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
