**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
