Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
