dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
