Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize