so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
