My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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