Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can I color on your dick again?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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