Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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