but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
