1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
