I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
