My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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