I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
