he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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