that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
