u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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