He kissed a someone with a penis
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
