Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
