I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
