i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
