As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
