Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
