I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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