I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
