3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
