Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
