my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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