I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
