well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
