So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
