Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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