Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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