I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
