Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
