He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
