it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
