OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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