the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
