A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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