Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
