Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
