Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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