i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
