I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
