you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
