hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
okay pat passed out under dana's car
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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