I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
