Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
