you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
