Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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