Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
