i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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