worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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