Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
