The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
